32 weeks

Hello baby.

Here's to another milestone.

Alhamdulillah.

Right after my cerclage episode at weeks 25..

Week 32 seems soooo far away..

To be honest, I was so scared and paranoid most of the time..

Still is.. But we'll just have to pray harder and keep our fingers cross okay baby.

Hang tight in there.. A few more weeks and you'll be safe and sound in mummy's and daddy's arms

InsyaAllah :)

Yesterday, finally you allowed us to have a peek at you..

Dah a few times we wanted to have a 3d/4d scan tapi baby shy shy..

Mummy and daddy is still very much in awe..

Mummy has been staring at your 3d picture probably 800 times already.. Hehe

Daddy has been playing it more cool.. But i'm sure he's just pretending and will sneak a peek bila mummy tak nampak.. Hehe..

Everything is so far so good..

Except the bloody huge fibroid (now at 20cm!!), we're doing good baby..

Cuma baby kecik sikit.. Tapi mummy plak makin membesar..

Oh no.. Let's just get fat together ok baby..

Please eat more.. You definitely need them more than mummy.. ;)

Till I write again.

Xoxo

*syukur alhamdulillah di atas segala nikmat dan kurniaanMu Ya Allah. We have much to be thankful for*

baby boo

Hello baby..
Lama dah kan mummy tak update kat sini..

We had a big scare last 2 weeks..
Well.. I did.. Cause doctor kata baby tatau ape yg tgh berlaku kat "luar" and happy golek2 kat dalam :)

Anyway..
We survived.. yeayy..
Syukur alhamdulillah..

Mummy is still on mc..
I've been on bedrest for more than 1 week last week..
Seb baik ade atok datang temankan..
Kalau tak time daddy gi keja tinggal la kita ngan Hiro/ Tum2/ Chalie

I can feel your punches/ kicks/ somersaults more and more now..
And i really can't stop smiling everytime..
Believe it or not any movement from you really made my day..
But sometimes you're a bit shy..
Bila mummy letak tangan daddy terus baby dah takmo kick..
Daddy plak tak larat nak letak tgn dia lama2 sebab dia perlu 2 tangan nak main game kat iphone :P
Tapi takpe.. mummy ade byk mase nak layan baby kan..

Last week mummy was still traumatized..
And everyday mesti paranoid..
But alhamdulillah this week I'm getting better..

So baby behave ok..
I know you can't wait to see mummy and daddy.. As we can't wait to see you little one..
But we have to be patient okay..
Biar baby stay inside mummy cukup 9 bulan 10 hari insyaAllah.. And then when you're fully "cooked" you can come out anytime you're ready okay..

Minggu nih nak masuk minggu 28 dah..
Tambah tolak tinggal lagik 10 minggu jek lagik baby..
Eekkk.. how exciting..

Barang baby byk gak belom beli nih..
Sebab tu baby jgn kuar awal sangat tau ;)
Hari tuh mummy and daddy cadang nak pegi all out kat expo tu..
Tapi dah kita ditakdirkan kena bedrest takde la expo..
But dun worry.. Tak pegi expo pon mummy and daddy akan beli everything we plan for you okay..
Baby just need to keep growing healthily, be safe and happy okay..
Lain semua mummy and daddy kautim..

Owh.. hari tuh mase follow up check up..
Mummy ngeri jek nak naik mesin timbang tuh kan..
Sebab kita kan asek makan tido lepak jek atas katil dah seminggu lebih kan..
But surprisingly mummy turun 1 kilo!!
tapi baby naik dekat 600 gram!!
Weehhuuuuuuuu.. Hehhehehe..
Mummy rase that's the power of susah hati tau.. Huhuhu.. Sebab mummy kan asek susah hati jek risaukan baby lepas cerclage tuh kan.. Tu yg bole kurus tanpa berusaha tuh.. Hehe...
Tapi lepas nih mummy takmo susah2 hati dah..
Kita doa and tawakal byk2 ok..

Till i write again..
I love you baby..
Xoxo  

First kick

..for your daddy :)

At almost 26 weeks.. finally your daddy can feel you too little one..

The feeling is priceless! :)

Mummy has been feeling you from inside for a few weeks now..
But normally you're such a good baby and gerak pon pelan2 jek ;)
So kalau mummy letak tangan kat perut pon takleh rase..
And on a few occasion daddy letak tangan pon confirm la dia tak rase punya..

But last night.. I can feel your kicks (or elbow or butt or something.. hehe) a little bit harder..
Tapi bila letak tgn daddy you stop kicking altogether. Hehe..
Shy one is it?

But mummy insist daddy tunggu kejap..
While mummy pujuk2 baby..
And suddenly you award daddy with 2 prominent little kicks.
Hehehe.. Daddy is so happy..

Sekarang kejap2 je nak letak tgn kat perut.. Hehe..

Tapi mummy tak sihat sikit these 2 days..
Sakit perut (maybe very bad angin.. or food poisoning)..
Hopefully its not bothering you too little one..

Sabtu ni kita gi jumpa Dr Dev okay.
Can't wait to see you again..
Xoxo

6 months & a fibroid

Hello week 24 :)

Last saturday we to see Dr. Dev again.
Why?
Cause mummy had a consistent pain my right side pelvic area.
Kalau duduk lama or jalan lagik la extra sakit..
Actually nak dekat seminggu dah sakit.
Memula tuh tahan la jugak kan..
Tapi lepas tu tak ilang2 pon sakit tuh mummy risau la plak..

So we went to see the doctor again..

So what's causing the pain?

As expected --> My fibroid

Huhuhu..
Doctor said it's "degenerating"
Owk owhhh..
I read in the internet kalau fibroid degenerate pain level adelah 10! *gulp*

Tapi doctor kata it's still mild..
Kalau teruk baru kena warded *gulp*
Basically it means that the fibroid is growing faster the the blood supply..
So bila "dia" tak cukup darah tuh yg sakit tuh.. Huhu..

Anyway,
Doctor kata jgn risau..
Aside from mummy being in pain.. It's not in anyway bothering you baby dot..
That is all mummy needed to hear anyway..

So doctor pon tanak recommend any painkillers for the time being..
Instead he prescribe me 1 week MC suh berehat jek!
Did you hear that baby?
1 weekkkkk... wehuuuuu..
Hehehehhe..

But I wont be utilizing the whole 1 week baby..
Mummy kena pulun buat keja before we celebrate your arrival soon..
Tapi dah doctor suh berehat.. rugi la plak tak mc langsung kan..
Kehkehkeh..
So today that's what we gonna do..

Berehat kat umah on a monday..
Best.monday.ever! :)

Keep kicking baby..
XoXo

22 weeks and loving it

Helo baby.
Mummy and daddy is so happy we've got to see you last saturday.
We have to say, you are indeed on your best behaviour that day..
(as at date, you've always been on your best behaviour. Sometimes mummy wish you kick me a little harder.. err.. but i think i'll take that back.. One of my friend said soon I will feel your sidekick, boxing, turning and somersault and I may want to be careful what i wish for.. hehhehe)..

The picture of you sucking your own thumb while moving a little bit here and there is so priceless..
But the print out of ur scan session semua angle tak best.
Mummy totally blame daddy for not recording that day..
Can't wait for our next visit. and this time mummy will make sure daddy records it ok.

We got to know your gender already.
Both of us are very2 happy.
Cant wait to buy more things for you..

On a different note, today i would like to tell you more about your daddy.
Honestly baby, I hit jackpot when i fell in love and marry your daddy.
Although i dont always say it to his face (kang dia riak bahaya plak :P), he is indeed one super awesome guy..
And you will be lucky to have him as your daddy (as I am lucky to have my abah :))

Before my pregnancy, admittedly memang mummy manja and mengada2 pon.. (cause daddy let me be :P).
Tapi bila pregnant mmg makin menjadik2 okey.. Hehehhe..

Daddy has been so loving, caring and attentive throughout my pregnancy..
At times, he can also be a tad annoying but most of the time he's the most patient and caring person untuk melayan kerenah mummy. Hehe..

Sometimes mummy complain kat dia that he's not doing enough reading to educate himself in preparation of your arrival..
Most of the time he ignored mummy.. pfftt!
he said he know what to do without needing to read stuff.. Cehh.. so ekshen right?

That day he bought the "food wash" tanpa di suruh..
Sebab dia kata mummy suka makan buah.. so kena make sure buah2an tu semua basuh bersih2..
Awww.. so sweet..
Sampaikan the next day dia terlebih efficient pegi rendam buah anggur mummy sampai lembik..
Tapik sebab it's the thoughts that matter, mummy senyum jek la.. (tapi mummy tak lalu nak makan anggur lembik so kita buang kat office je okay ;)).. hehehe..

Pehtu sekarang pagi2 daddy yg akan kupas and bekalkan buah2an ape yg mummy pilih nak makan..

Daddy: "Bini nak buah ape hari nih?"
Mummy:"Pamelo, oren 1 and mangga 1"   (yee.. banyak kan kita makan baby. hehe)
Daddy:"Aaa.. ite tak reti potong mangga. Makan la oren 2!"

Hehehe.. sweet kan daddy. But dun worry. Daddy potongkan oren jek.. Mangga mummy potong sendirik. Kang kalau peeler tu kena tgn dia mau sampai petang kita nak kena layan dia membebel. hehehe..

Pehtu skrg mummy mmg malas masak.. err.. actually sebelom pregnant pon mummy takde la rajin sgt nak masak pon kan :P.. Skrg nih mmg sekali sekala jek la mummy masak.. Kasik daddy teringat2 masakan2 mommy yg awesome tuh.. sebab tuh takleh masak selalu.. hahahha..

Kalau takat goreng2 sekarang mmg daddy take over la..
Kadang2 kalau nak makan roti ngan telur or roti ngan sausage pon daddy masakkan pagi2..
Macam mana la mummy tak cair kan..

Cuma mummy nak pegi holiday jek daddy takmo bawak.. Huhuhu..
Jenuh dah mummy pujuk dia..
Paranoid rupa nya daddy kamu..
Mummy ajak pegi Bandung jek pon.. bukan ajak pegi London pon..
Tapi still dia takmo bawak.. Huhuhu..
Dia kata tunggu baby lahir nanti baru kita continue holiday kita..
Please remind mummy if I forgot.. Make sure he keep his words after you're born okay..

Okla..
Nanti mummy continue lagik..
Take care little one..
Xoxo

19 weeks

Hello baby.
Lama mummy tak update kan.

Alhamdulillah.
Muntah2 dah sgt berkurangan..
Sekali sekala muntah manja maybe seminggu 2-3 kali tuh masih okay la tu..
Bawak bersyukur kan.. :)

Anyway..
Walaupon dah tak muntah..
Tapi nowadays mummy akan cepat fatigue..

After a day's work at the office..
Masuk jek kereta daddy by 6 pm dah lembik melepek..
Aiyakkk..
Why lar..
Huhuhu..

Tapi tetap bersyukur..
Sebab dah ilang muntah baru la dtg fatigue..
Kalau dulu muntah2 and fatigue lagik la lembik agaknye kan..

Anyway..
As for you..
I (think) I can now feel you move..
Not yet the kungfu master type..
Baru lite2 jek..

Ini la dia kot yg org mentioned "blub2" or bubbles tuh..
Ntah2 it's just angin..
Hehehe..
But i think it's you..
Saying "Hello mummyyyy"

Next week baru kita jumpa Doctor Dev lagik..
Lambat nye laa nak menunggu 2 minggu nih kan..
Cause I missed seeing you in the little black screen..

Nowadays mummy so busy reseaching this and that for you..
Mummy and Daddy wants the best for you.. (within our kemampuan of cos)..
Ade hikmat we have to wait for a while for you to join our lives..
Now we have more experience (tipu. mana ade experience nak oi.. confirm mummy menggelabah time dlm pantang and daddy has to work and it's just the 2 of us.. heheheh).. more love.. and more money.. Alhamdulillah.. Syukur sgt pada Allah..

Last weekend we bought the first item for you..
Your own baby closet!
Wehuuu..

Okla.. technically it's for mummy to store your baby clothes and baby stuffs..
But it is still consider for you la kan..
Kalau tak takkan nak letak baju baby dlm bakul tempat tido TumTum kot? Hehe..

And punya la excited shopping..
Sampai mummy and daddy terbeli terus set baru utk bilik tido kitaorg sekali.. ahahhaha..
Takpe.. nanti kita beli matching crib untuk baby ok..

I love you baby.
Stay safe and keep growing healthy.
Xoxo

15 weeks

It'`s been a while.
Sorry sayang mummy's been to mabuk and too lazy to jot down my thots..
Huhu..

Even at 15 weeks..
I still have nausea most of the time..
Luckily the actual barfing have reduce to 1-3 times in a day..
It used to be 4-5 times a day..
So I'll take 1-3 times a day gladly.. Huhu..

Last week..
Mummy had a scare little dot..
Eversince i know I'm pregnant with you, I've become more and more paranoid..
Haihh..

Tetiba satu hari tuh rase mcm mild cramping..
Padahal since I awal2 pon tak pernah rase macam tu..
Walaupon pain threshold takde la sakit sangat, but it's enough to make me and daddy worried..
Especially lepas 2 hari pon ade rase mild cramping jugak.

But the thing was..
I might have been imagining it on the first place..  Hehe..

Ye la.. biasa kita kan jumpa Dr. Dev every 2 weeks..
Tapi sebab dah past 12 weeks.. Dr Dev cakap no need to see him as frequent..
Once a month jek jumpa dia..

Rase lamaaa gila nak abeskan 1 month to little dot..
So balik keja tu terus kitaorg gi clinic..

Scan machine tu plak dah kategori wargaemas..
Doctor tu terpaksa switch on switch off 2-3 kali before it can actually work.. Hahaha..
But nevertheless.. Dr. said you were healthy and happy inside there..
No visible bleeding or whatnot.. We can clearly seen your heartbeat.. (Tapi scan machine nih tak power mcm kat sepital punya)..
And mummy was facing the other way so I did not get to see you as much as daddy did..
Sebab daddy dok sebelah doctor..

Daddy confirmed what the doctor saw/ said..
At one point he can clearly see you in your full baby form..
Mummy jeles sbb mummy tak dapat tgk sangat.. Hehe..

Anyway, next week sabtu kita pegi jumpa Dr Dev ok..
Hopefully by then we'll be able to see whether you're a gegirl or a boboy..
Honestly.. Mummy doesnt really mind as long as you're healthy and happy..
But i have a feeling that I'm carrying a girl..
We'll see soon enough okay :)

At 15 weeks..
Some if not most people can already feel their babies moving..
My experienced frens describe the feeling as "blub blub blub".
Macam ade bubble coming from inside..

Mummy is trying my best not to panic..
Cause mummy pon tak sure ade rase ke tak..
Huhuhuuh..

Nevermind little dot..
When you're ready I'm sure you'll let me feel you inside me :)

Can't wait to see you through the scan machine soon..
XoXo

My 1st Trimester

1.  I am 12 weeks pregnant now. (13 weeks if you count my 1st day of last period)
2.  People said morning sickness generally taper off by the time one entered 2nd trimester.
3.  Today is my first day of 2nd trimester.
4.  I still got "morning", "afternoon" and "evening" sickness.
5.  I think people lied in point #2. Pffttt!
6.  Since last 2 weeks, I've been puking at least 3-4 times a day.. Once in the morning during toothbrushing activity, once after breakfast, once after lunch, once in the evening after tea, once after dinner.. On my good days, I will managed to keep down at least one of my meals during the day.. Alhamdulillah..
7.  People said that nausea and vomitting is a sign that the baby's healthy. Please God let that be true. I don't mind vomitting 4 times a day if this means that my baby is happy and healthy.
8.  People also said that my "morning-all-day-sickness" is all in the mind.
9.  I feel like boxing their ears when they said point #8 to me.  T_____T
10.  Trust me, this is not something I made up all in my mind. Who wanted to puke so many times in one day. Even a bullimic will salute me :P
11.  At least I don't have fatigue. Energy level is normal, but i do tend to be tired after too much puking in a day.
12.  I think I can control my crankiness and mood swings. But my husband might tell you otherwise. Hehe.
13.  My tummy has started showing enough for people you knew I'm pregnant to notice. Other people might think that I have masalah kegemukan.
14.  To tell you the truth, i think it is partially due to my pre-existing masalah kegemukan.. But maybe I shud keep that to myself :P
15.  Before my pregnancy, kalau perut jauh kedepan, still boleh cover kalau tahan nafas (especially time nak amik gambar). Tapi sekarang tak boleh dah. Takde beza tahan nafas ke tak melainkan rase tak cukup oksigen saje.
16.  No cravings yet thus far.. What to crave if I keep on puking right. My objectives nowadays is just to make sure i don't puke back my food.
17.  I no longer eat spicy foods cause it is not a good feeling to puke back spicy food!! (lesson learnt the hard way. huhuhu)
18.  Today i (think) i took the last of my proluton jabs. Hopefully my fibroid will not be bothering my precious baby anymore.
19.  I wear fitflop to work now. Eventho my fitflops are more expensive than all of my Vincci work shoes, I still look so selekeh. But i don't really care. :P
20.  I tried shopping for flat shoes in Vincci one day. But i hate them all and I ended up buying another stiletto instead. Huhu..
21. Can't wait to see my baby this Wednesday. :)
22.  My cats (especially) Hiro still sleeps with me everyday. He's such a good boy. I will blog about pregnancy vs. cats in another post okay.
23.  My husband forbids me to drive since we know of our pregnancy. I hope I will not lose my samseng jalanan skills due to lack of practice.
24.  I think I'll stop for now.
25.  Please pray for me and my baby's health. Amin.
  

Another spotting episode

Yesterday I got another spotting episode.
Pehtu terus rase mcm ade mild cramping.
Tapi mcm tak berapa sure sgt, ye ke cramping nih?
Ke angin? Ke aku nak terberak? Huhuhu.

Husband offer nak bawak pi sepital..
Tapi iols kata let's not panic.
My motherly instinct (wah gittew) told me that the baby's fine..
Lagipon esok pagi mmg nak pegi jumpa Dr. Dev pon..
So let's just wait until tomorrow..

So i put myself on bed/home rest today..
Naseb la kerja2 yg menimbun kat office tuh..
Kesian boss aku sebab team dia semua on mc..
2 of my collegue baru lps tonsil surgery..
Iols plak due to pregnancy..
Since ni spotting lagik ade harapan doctor extend mc aku sampai lepas 1st trimester besok..

Hari nih i attempted to work from home..
In between the nausea and the laziness..
Hopefully boleh la..
Daripada tadik asek procrastinate :P

And since yesterday takde spotting dah which is good..
Maybe yesterday my body was telling me to slow down..
Sebab kalau pegi keja biasa la dengan discussions, dengan back to back meetings, ngan kerja lagik..
And iols kalau dah keja tak sedar diri sikit.. Huhuhu..

But lucky i got the nausea..
At least takde la risau sgt pasal baby..
Nowadays hari2 confirm muntah.
Tak banyak sikit..

Keep growing healthy baby..
Mummy will see you tomorrow okay..
Xoxo

Barf-ing Mania

Yesterday I made my own puking history.
I barfed out 3 times in one day. Nice. NOT!
And in between those i barfed out air and water as when there's no more food to come out..
Huhu..

Seb baik by malam tuh can stomach and maintain inside bubur with the help of ginger ale..

The thing is..
I made a promise to God..
That when the time comes for me to get pregnant..
I would not complaint (much) when I got morning sickness..

Hahahahah..
Nampak sgt I don't know what nonsense I'm talking about :P

But I'm trying my best..
Not to complaint much..
Except for the occasional whining to the father of my baby..

I think yesterday's episode was triggered cause i ate durian..
3 ulas in 2 days time jek kot!
Not even near of the amount I consumed when I was not pregnant..
Huhuhu..

Dah la durian paket jek pon..
Pehtu masuk dalam freezer dulu sebelom makan..
tapi nampak nye takleh jugak kan..
Padan la dengan muka sendiri.. Huhuh..

Owhh.. but it was sooooo sedap it was worth every puke okay.. :)

So maybe no more durian for now..
Tak lalu iols nak ngadap mangkuk toilet jek..

But I'm nauseous all the time now..
Must be because my baby's has grown..
People said it was a blessing..
To experience morning sickness..

And if this is an indicator my baby's telling me he/she is okay..
I'm embracing this "blessing"
(with as minimum whining as possible :P)

This wednesday I'm gonna get to see my baby again..
Can't wait.

Later peeps~

Morning Sickness Europe Time

It's been quite a while since I last update here.
So far my journey has been awesome.

Ok la tipu..
Not that awesome..
Hahaha..

I feel nauseous MOST of the time now..
Since this baby was made in Paris (I think. If not Paris it would be Venice kot. Tengok la esok dia kuar rupa org French ke rupa org Italy. Hahahha.. Gurau tu gurau :P)

I used to only get morning sickness in the evening..
So i jokingly told husband.. Must be because the baby's made in Europe.. so it follows Europe time..
Hahahha..

Tapi sekarang morning sickness dah ikut Malaysian time, Europe time plus American time pon skali agak nye.. Huhuhu..
Most of the time I will be green trying to hold back the feeling to barf..
As at date, I only actually muntah 4 kali jek (which felt like 4 times too much. Huhu)

I'm almost in my 10 weeks now.. Kalau ikut kiraan first day period.. nak masuk 11 weeks dah alhamdulillah..
I'm gonna share our good news with you soon okay..
Sekarang pon most of my family members, goodfriends and officemates dah tau..
Sebab kan MC lama sgt kan..

This week I'm still on mc..
Tapi hari ni jek kot I utilise.
Dun wanna push my luck too much so I'm making sure I had enough rest..

No more spotting episode so far.. Which is good..
And the fact that I'm having frequent morning sickness is good too.. It's a sign the baby's fine..

Aside from the anticipated morning sickness..
I am soooooo hormonal right now..

Aku nih dah mmg cembeng to begin with..
Tapi nih mmg cembeng kuasa tiga okay..

Tengok citer sedey sikit dah dah melalak2 mcm kan aku yg berlakon..
Tengok citer terlampau happy sampai aku terharu pon aku melalak jugak..
Tengok citer bersemangat mcm org menang contest ke ape ke aku meleleh air mata jugak..
Kah kah kah..
Leman is having a field day menjadikkan aku bahan gelak.. Cis..

Other than that it's fun being pregnant..
Perut aku 10 minggu sama macam perut 2 officemates aku mase diorang pregnant 4 bulan..
Demmm.. Ye la kan.. Sebelom pregnant pon aku mmg dah mcm org pregnant 2 bulan so what do i expect kan.. hahahhaha.. Tak lama lagik baju2 keja aku tak muat la.. Sekarang pon seluar keja dah sendat.. Kalau pakai baju kurung pon dah takleh nak zip kain sampai atas.. hahhaha..

As long as my baby's healthy, I'm good..
Our journey is still so far..
Please pray for us ya.
:)

Spotting episode

Hellow.
Dah lama tak update kat sini.

Kelmarin ade brownish/ pinkish spotting sket..
Memula iols tak panic.. Tapi bila bagitau kawan2 rapat diorang dok suruh gi check ASAP..
Sebab mmg iols nak gi Dr. Dev pon the next day tuh..
So rase mcm.. takyah la panic kan..
Tapi bila kawan iols memanickan iols..
Iols pon terus la pegi Twin Tower Medical Centre..

Request nak doctor pompuan..
Terus tetiba doctor nak tgk kemaluan..
Aiyoooo... I'm soooo not ready tetiba nak tunjuk kemaluan kan.. Hahahahha..
Nak buat camne.. ku sua kan la jugak.. :P

Thankfully no more bleeding..
Tapi dr kasik mc suh balik rest terus.. And next day dia kata pepagi terus straight gi jumpa doctor.. and for today if anymore bleeding straight pegi ER mana2 spital..
Aiyoo.. scary la plak..
Elok2 aku tak brape panic tadik skrg dah panic..

Hari nih dr. dev tak masuk Tropicana Medical Centre (TMC)..
Kitaorg nak gi carik dia kat Assunta tapi dia dah fully booked..
Since hari nih mmg nak kena pegi amik injection kat TMC, iols saje2 la tanye kaunter tu kot2 ade gynae mana2 yg free tengahari tuh.. Sbb iols nak scan jek pon..
Seb baik dr Navdeep free..

So petang tuh pegi la jumpa dr. Navdeep..
Iols tak panic sgt sbb mase scan last 2 weeks pon Dr. Dev dah cakap nampak bleeding kan..
Cumanye bleeding tuh tak pernah kuar kat spender.. (kalau kuar pon sikit gilee.. malam tadik punye lebih sikit, 2 kali lap pon ade lagik.. huhuhu)..
Dr. Navdeep cakap meh kita buat tummy scan dulu, kalau tak nampak baru kita buat Transvagina scan..

Iols pon baring..
Dr. Navdeep nih pon baik.. (and cute :P)
Tapi tetap lah Dr Dev yg menjadi pujaan hatiku.. Hehe..

Dr. scan tummy.
And on the screen..
I see my little one..

In 2 weeks time it's grown!!
Macam tak percaya jek..
Last tgk hari tuh kecik mcm kelkatu jek rupa kat screen..
Ni dah ade mcm bentuk baby tapi takde la complete form lagik..
Enough for doctors tu make out where's the head, legs, hands etc..

Doctor: See this.. this here is the hand and the feet..
Dot: Seeing only black screen with white lump (my baby).. Okay doctor..

Hahahha.. if you say so doctor..
Akak tak nampak sgt sebenarnye :P

Baby's growing as it should be..
Syukur Alhamdulillah..
Heartbeat's great..
Doctor kata kalau nak miscarriage heartbeat akan baby akan drop.. But mine was perfect..
Again.. syukur alhamdulillah..
So doctor check everything and dia puas hati la..
Everything is good.. :)

Mummy and daddy can't stop smiling..

And according to Dr. Navdeep,
dr. Dev has already put me under maximum precaution pon..
With the proluton jabs and the duphaston tablets..
Sama mcm diorang bagi ivf patients diorang..

Esok nye pegi jumpa Dr Dev plak..
Kali nih doctor Dev buat transvagina scan (TVS).. Sbb nak tgk ade bleeding ke takde..
Thru tummy scan mmg tak nampak..

Bila buat TVS.. Again, everything's fine and great with the baby..
But there's still bleeding..
And my fibroid has grown to 3 cm now..

Ad fibroid nih berebut darah ngan baby.
So Dr. Dev kata kena continue ngan injections every 3 days..
Baiklah doctor.. I'll do anything that i can for my baby..

And since I've been bleeding for the past 2 weeks now.
Sebab based on last scan 2 weeks ago pon doctor detect bleeding jugak..
Doctor kasik 2 weeks mc suh rehat kat umah..

2 weeks mc youols!!
Sila jeles.. ahahhahaha..

So here I am..
Makan tido lepak kacau Hiro..
No more bleeding or spotting episod so far..
Maybe sbb aku dok rehat jek kat umah kan..

Dr. Dev kata kalau ade spotting even fresh blood skali pon..
Jgn risau.. sbb mmg kita tau ade bleeding dalam tuh..
And it has to come out eventually (if it is not being absorb back by my body)..
Tapi at any time kalau aku rase tak sure or worried, datang jek jumpa dia..
Did i mentioned i love my doctor? hehehe

So there you go..
I'm about 8 weeks now.. (kalau ikut last period day is about 9 weeks dah)..
Hopefully everything will continue to be awesome..
In Syaa Allah.. Amin..

Heartbeat

Today was the day..
That we heard little dot's heartbeat for the very first time!

It was so loud and clear..
And first time listening to it.. I can't help crying there and then (while being in a very expose position :P)
It was miracle.

Although Dr Dev said we were not out of danger..
There's still high risk in miscarriage..

Even mase Doctor buat Transvagina Ultrasound tadik,
boleh nampak ade bleeding kat dlm uterus..
Walaupon bleeding tak kluar (pada spender)..
Doctor said if the bleeding continues/ more, then only it will be discharge out. For the time being it will be absorbed back by my body.. Scary!

So I am still on Proluton..
I've had 6 jabs as at date..
Doctor dah schedulekan another 6 jabs before he review my condition again in another 2 weeks..
Hopefully everything will be allright..

But don't worry, Mummy will do her part.. Little dot, you do your part okay.. And keep growing healthy :)

To tell you the truth..
Since the day i found out I am with Little dot.. I was worried sick..
Imagine being worried and still need to sit for 2 exams! Arrgghhh...
Torture.. Hahaha..

Everytime i tried to study..
I'll end up sleeping
T__________T

At times.. I'm in denial state..
Betul ke pregnant nih?
So I kept peeing on those sticks!
(Saiko much!!) Hahahahha..
And every time the double line appeared.. I'll be reassured at least for a while..

Honestly, I am too scared to put too much hope..
What if it's another blighted ovum..
Sometimes I envy other people's pregnancy..
They made it seem so easy.. from the day their stick turned double line..
Why mine has to be so difficult..
But then cepat2 sedar.. Itu rezeki masing2..
Jangan di pertikaikan dan mintak rezeki dan dugaan orang lain..
Sebab kita dah ade rezeki dan dugaan kita sendiri..

But after hearing that magical heartbeats today..
We still have hope.. :)

It's gonna be another 6 weeks before we can be consider out of danger zone.
Keeping our fingers cross..
In Sya Allah.

Little dot and neighbour

Mase check up kat TTMC tuh..
I told the doctor about the pain I was having..
And my worry about an ectopic pregnancy..
He check out the pain site area.. and his opinion was that area yg aku sakit tuh bukan ectopic biasa nye..
Alhamdullillah.. There's still hope...

That same evening of 12/12/12..
After work we went to see Dr. Dev..
And he did a Transvaginal Scan (TVS) for me..
Seriau jugak sebab dah setahun lebih tak seek treatment.. huhuhu..

Anyway..
The moment he adjusted the camera..
His first reaction was..

"Yup, there's the pregnancy sac.. at the right place"

Meaning bukan ectopic..
Alhamdulillah.. Selesai satu masalah..
There's still hope..

You are still too little for mummy to see you little dot..
Even on the TVS, you are slightly bigger than a sesame seed jek.. about 4.1 mm..
And according to doctor, you're only about 4 weeks.. Which is inline with my last period..

You're made in Paris little dot :)

However, there's a you've got a "neighbour" somewhere near there..
A fibroid is growing nearby.. Si fibroid tu lagik besar dari rumah little dot..
It was about 2 cm! And the doctor highly likely it will grow bigger with the pregnancy..
That was what is causing me the slight stabbing pain that i thot ectopic..

So in order to protect my little dot..
Cause there's a possibility of the fibroid growing into the direction of my little dot..
which may cause fighting  for blood and whatnot..

The doctor suggested that I take Proluten most probably until the 1st trimester past..
We're trying our best to protect you little dot..

I had my first proluten injection that evening..
I have to say. Ouch!
And i have to take that injection for every 3 days..
Lucky mummy got a big bum eh little dot.. hehehe..

On top of that.. I am also worried about another case of blighted ovum (like my last pregnancy turned out)..
But that is Allah's will.. we'll pray for the best okay baby.

We'll see Dr. Dev in another 2 weeks time..
Hopefully by then you have grown more and more..

I am already so excited to see you next time little dot..
Till then.. Be safe.. be healthy and keep growing..
Amin..

Another hope

On 12/12/12..

The doctor at Twin Tower Medical Centre confirmed that..
I am..
indeed..

Pregnant!

:)

Actually it's been 1 week since i peed on my first stick..

Memang itupon hobi bulanan aku..
Pregnant tak pregnant lain kira.. period lambat sehari jek iols dah kencing atas stick..
Huhuhu..

And since my last pregnancy almost 1 year 4 months ago..
All the sticks turn up "negative"

Actually, last month i really thought i was pregnant..
I did my test while i was on a business trip to Bintulu..
Period lambat 3 hari.. Tetek sakit..
Sah.. ni confirm pregnant nih..
Tapi bila test "negative" jugak..
Sob sob..
"Tak pe lah.. belum rezeki" .. ku pujuk hati sendirik..

So this month..
Ntah kenapa nak test pon tatau..
Period aku nih mmg weng sket.. Kejap cycle 30 hari.. Kejap cycle 37 hari..

Since ade balance pregnancy kit yg murah2 tu..
5 Dec 2012 tu..Bgn jek dari tido terus carik pregnancy kit.. Hari ni i started my study leave seminggu..
Kalau ikut cycle last month which is 37 days.. period aku lagik 7 hari baru due.. Huhu..
Tapi gatal gak nak kencing kan..

Bila kencing..
Tengok stick tu tak tukar kaler pon..
Ah.. gagal lagik bulan nih..

Aku letak ke tepi sambil aku sambung urusan.. Hehehe..
Lepas siap semua aku pon nak pegi buang la kan..
Sekali nampak macam double line..
Tapi samar2 jek..

Mase tu dah tak tentu arah..
Sengih macam org bengong..
Nak cuba kencing kat pregnancy kit spare jenama ClearBlue.. Tapi air kencing dah habis semua tadik.. Hahahha..

So aku pon minum air banyak2..
Next round kencing pada ClearBlue plak..
Baru la nampak line tu clear sikit..
Alhamdulillah..

But since my bad experience last year..
Aku nak happy sangat menaruh harapan pon tak berani..
Plak tu line tu samar2 jek.. Huhuhu..
Memula ingat takmo bagitau Leman pon..
Nak tunggu la lama sket kan..

Tapi I notice this nagging mild pain kat lower right of my abdomen..
And all my googling point out to a possibility of an ectopic pregnancy..
And with ectopic lagik kau delay lagik bahaya kan.. Huhuhu..
So tengahari tuh tak tahan bagitau la jugak kan Leman..
But i mention the possibility of ectopic too sebab tanak la dia berharap sgt plak kan..

From then on..
The pain is still there on and off..
Aku pon kejap happy kejap sedih..

So masuk jek kerja rabu tu terus pegi TTMC..
And also I've book an appointment with Dr. Dev untuk petang yg sama..

Only Allah know how sick i was with worry..
And there's nothing either of us can do except to continue praying for the best..

Post Doctor visit

The doctor dropped the bomb today.

I received the news with such calmness, even i am surprise with my composure.

I choose to wai for the miscarriage to happen naturally.

Doctor pon kata there's no rush.

He said i can opt for a bloodwork if i wanted to.

But both me and hubs decided not to have anymore needles poking me.

I've have enough for now.

We miscarriage at 6 weeks! (gestational sac age. Not last menstrual perid date)

Honestly, i've sort of expected the bad news from the doctor, since te day i started bleeding.

But after i paid the bills and left the clinic, i didn't even made it to the escalator before i started sobbing..

Husband tried franctically to sooth me, as dia risau org ingat kitaorg tgh gaduh and dia yg buat i nangis. Huhu.

I still have all my pregnancy symptoms.

It made it so much harder to let go.

I have to re learn how to be not pregnant.

It could take weeks for the miscarriage to happen naturally.

I'm no longer sick wif worry as the doctor has delivered te bad news. But now i'm just plain scared waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally. I heard it's gonna be bloody painful. Nice!

As for my babydot, maybe it's not our fate and destiny to meet my little one.
I believe Allah knows best.
I hope one day (soon) you'll be back with me.

Even tho it's so hard for me to let go,
I am saying my goodbye now.
Till we meet again babydot.

Pre doctor visit

I am soooo nerveous today..
Right after i open my eyes..

Now baru 11 am and the doctor's visit is not until 3
Haihh.. This is killing me..
Takut sampai rase nak termuntah
This is worst than takut nak exam ACCA (walaupon tak abes study. Huhu)

I'm praying and keep praying that you'll be okay babydot..
Please please be okay..

All my calmness seems vanished today..
Today my heart felt that it is beating twice as fast..
Macam naik treadmill plak. Hehe
Perut rase macam nak tercabut pon ade..
Dah la malam/pagi tadik diarrhea..
Entah la kenapa..

4 more hours to go..
Let's keep our fingers cross that the next post will be good news.
Aminnn

Waiting Day 4

Just had my lunch :)
Just roti and sausage.
Not healthy kan babydot..
Tapi mummy malas nak kuar gi tapau..
And opah and bibik takde diorang kuar gi klinik.
So roti and sausage it is.

Today is suppose to be the last day of waiting..
Mummy does feel nerveous then and again..
But try to be positive and keep calm..
I'm expecting to see your little heart beating tomorrow little one..
Please don't be shy and let mummy has a peek ok :)

Right now.. I'm taking my life one step at a time..
Got back my pregnancy symptoms..
Hopefully that's a good sign..
I think when i feel like i'm missing my symptoms the day i had spotting, that's just my mind playing tricks..

But for blighted ovum.. Pregnancy symptoms meant nothing..
It can all be presence, due to the growing gestational sac.
But in actual sac the baby is not growing..
Let's just hope that's not our case here babydot..
Fingers cross

Mummy started to feel nauseous now and then..
Semalam petang baru rase nak muntah..
Kalau betul auntie ju cakap week 8 it will all start..
She's now in quite a bad shape of morning sickness.. Hehe..
Sian dia..

But i will gladly take all that puking if that means you're growing safe and healthy babydot..
I even promise Allah i would not complaint (much) if i were to have morning sickness, as long as i can have you.. Safe and healthy.. Hehe.. Your daddy will surely hold my words on this if and when i do get morning sickness.. Hehehe..

Till tomorrow..
Grow strong and healthy babydot..
May your heart beat stronger and stronger everyday.
XoXo

Waiting Day 3

I just got back from the hospital kejap tadik..
Went there for my 2nd shot of progesterone (the name of the ubat is im proluton to be exact)

The tube is so small..
But the sting is bloody big.. huhuhuh

Entah kenapa.. This 2nd shot is much much much more painful than  the 1st one..
It doesn't help that i offered the same side punye punggung.. hehehe..

Cause the 1st shot 3 days ago still left me feeling sore at the injection site..
So pikir2.. tanak la nanti dedua side sakit kan.. alang2 sakit.. baik sakit sebelah side jek.. huhuhu..

Wrong!
Mase nurse tu cucuk.. I was being all brave..
Siap suruh Leman tunggu kat dlm kereta jek..
Itu pon nasib baik Leman baik offer nak bawak..
Memula ingat nak macho drive sendirik jek.. hehehe..

Sekali mase nurse tu cucuk..
Sakit nak mampos ok..
Serius tak exegerate pon..
It's even more painful than my fertility shots of gonal-f and apetah nama ubat pecah telur tu kan..
Even tho those shots are at my stomach..

Yg nih rase macam ponggong aku on fire ok..
Serius tak tipu.. huhuhu..
Worse still its on fire and you can't seem to put out the fire..

Mase mula2 lepas cucuk tadik.. dia punye burning sensation.. ikut hati mmg aku dah nangis kat situ jugak.. Tapi sebab ai maluuuu.. hehhehehe.. takkan la cembeng gila cucuk bontot pon nangis kot? :P

I still feel sore + stinging + burning at my injection side aka ponggong belah kanan while typing this..
Entah bila la nak ilang..

Rase nye lepas jumpa doktor rabu nih.. I'm gonna get the 3rd shot plak.. gulp..

Takpe lah.. anything for you babydot..
Ponggong mummy sakit sikit tak pe lah..
Asalkan babydot sihat ok..

On a different note..
Totally rocking my mc today..
Syok gile perasaan tak payah bangun pegi keja on monday morning.. hehehhe..

Part yg tak syok nye ialah.. ING tak cover doctor Dev..
Cause he's a fertility specilist.. on top of being a O&G specialist..huhuhu..
Walaupon I'm still entitle for it under my maternity benefit..
But since i insist to maintain Dr Dev as my doctor.. everything now gotta be on a "pay and claim" basis..
And minggu nih saje akak dah abes dekat seribu nyeh!! huhuhuh..
Cepat la ING tu reimburse 1st claim.. ishkk..
But again.. anything for you babydot..
Takpe.. duit boleh carik kan..

On me being pregnant..
Honestly, i feel fine..

Nausea here and there.. But nothing serius sampai tahap muntah ke kan..
Boobs sakit macam biasa..
Appetit is okay as long as i don't eat too much..
No more cramping and no more spotting.. (alhamdulillah)
So i take that as a good sign..
Insyaallah.. babydot is gonna be okay..
We will keep praying for you..

XoXo

Waiting Day 2

And the waiting continues..

I no longer bother to scour the internet for information.

The spotting has stop and i feel fine..

So i'm gonna take it as a good sign..

Since i'm on mc from tomorrow till wednesday, i'm just gonna rest and stay calm..

I'm sure you're doing your part to grow my babydot.

Grow strong and healthy ok..

Mummy's gonna help with lots of eating.. Hehehe..

Walaupon sebenarnye eating tu lebih untuk mummy :p

Got my pregnancy symptoms back..
I'm not sure its cause by the extra progesterone..
But hopefully due to the increase in hcg hormone..
Which in turn means my babydot is growing healthly.

Now i have to eat more frequent as i became easily hungry..
2-3 jam dah lapar balk.. Huhu..

Kejap agi nak balik KD balik..
Got buka puasa with zaika & clan and juju plus juju junior dlm perut and alan..
Can't wait to be at juju's stage..
Err..but mummy doesnt envy her morning sickness tho.. Hehe

Take care babydot..
Be safe and well..
Xoxo..